Labyrinth of sands

Fernando was the whole day missing in the fields; witch is a big desert of thousands of squared kilometers. Midday sun was opening his skull. He walked for several hours, it wasn’t easy to know how many. When you are under the Patagonian sun, you risk your self not only to dehydration but also to loose the basic thinking abilities and to do some stupidity that will be last one. It’s known that some people went to outskirts, for a walk or who knows why, for getting missed later. Without water under that sun or thick clothes at night, there’s nothing to do. Desert doesn’t forgive.

He was walking among the bushes, tearing his clothes apart with prickles from calafates and uñas de gato, some of the few plants able to survive in that hell.
Up there, sun seem to be in one place and then in the other side. It was shiner every time and with so much light that he couldn’t see almost anything but some white steins. He kept on walking until the side of a hill, from there; he expected to see the city. A part of the way he was walking and the other crawling. By then he didn’t notice the cuttings in his arms and hands.

After a moment he reached the top of the hill and he watched towards east, or where he thought it was east. There were just more hills, sand and yellow steins. Some marks in the horizon that could be a road or route, but nothing more than that. Comodoro wasn’t there. He was lost somewhere in the fields, without a car or water and a temperature of more than forty degrees. It wasn’t good.

He fell on the sands and closed his eyes. He needed some rest and to think. When he was coming by car he saw some petrol pits in the way. He could find one, because it’s known they have water pipes…maybe.

The wind was blowing among the bushes. He could feel that particular smell from countryside. A bird was singing. He laid back to be more comfortable. The big blue sky was there and the terrifying sun, watching him with its only eye. He wondered if Comodoro really existed, if kids and Celeste were in a real place or only in his mind. Perhaps all what were left in world was the big blue sky and the indifferent sun that he felt moving in circles in front of his face.

After some hours lying on the burning sand, the ground felt better, it wasn’t a bad idea anymore to sleep for a while. It would be time later for walking and thinking. He stayed there for some minutes, feeling the hot breeze on his face and blood running from arms.

Then he stopped feeling pain and sun wasn’t burning anymore. He said with a faint voice:
-I’m going to die here, in this desert, surrounded by bushes and lizards.
-You are going to live until the year 2006. Is that good enough for you?
Fernando looked at his side and saw a cascarudo, a black beetle from the desert. He couldn’t hear wind anymore, just the dark and deep voice.
-You think you will have time enough to do all what you want to do until then, Fernando?-
Fernando was staring at it and thinking about the offer and the one who said it. Not only wind stopped, also birds were silent. Sun didn’t bother to look anymore. The whole situation was unreal, like in a dream or maybe like in death. Anyway he answered:
-I think there isn’t any chance of bargaining about my time.-Said Fernando.-I’m been just informed not asked, right?-
-You were always smart. The day you were born, only a couple of hours later you were raising your head, trying to see around. You were already curious, that’s the best quality on a person. All the rest comes later. To be curious makes you understand about all what you don’t know. It makes you know you are an ignorant and we all are ignorant and stupid. The difference is that some people can find ways towards light and the rest just stays there. Even if you can’t never find the end, what matters is the way.-
-I wonder about that many times. What’s the point? What’s the difference between living eating and sleeping like any other animal and understanding a bit more? Just for knowing what’s around us. Anyway we stay in the same place and we go to the same end.-
-When you think intensely about some important subject, if you do it well…you will find nothing at the end. I haven’t found anything and I’ve been thinking since a long time. If you found any answer that I didn’t…then tell me. That would be something. You always find things.-
-Sometimes I think that, there’s no sense on anything, that we don’t have any reason for being here. We born for a series of accidents. We are here but we couldn’t also not be and universe wouldn’t be different with our absence.-
-If you think that anything has a final significance, that anything was planned or that people are meaningless for universe…well, you are completely right. But the mare fact that you make your self these questions, changes something, you are adding something. It depends where you look at things from. If you put yourself outside of everything to understand it, then it’s all the same. Anything is good or bad, because if you can do that, then you would see universe as God sees it. And God doesn’t have any remorse. He does and undoes and then later sleeps like an angel.-
-You are a cascarudo. How can I trust in anything you say?-
-Who cares what the fuck I am? What’s matters here it’s what I’m saying. In fact, it’s not so important either what you hear from me, what’s important is what you believe, what you truly believe. And you need to believe. You have a lot of things to do that are not done because a bunch of stupid prejudices, belonging more to a dog than to a man.-
-It’s a stupid prejudice to not want to kill a man?-
-it’s a stupid prejudice not to do what you really want to do because of fear! Do you really care what happens to a stranger? Can’t you see that you are the only one who can give some light to this dead town? If everybody cared so much about possible negative effects on their acts, then humans would still be on caves. And that, my friend Fernando…it’s what you have been doing all your life…to live in a cave. When do you plan to leave it? The sand of your clock keeps on falling.-
Fernando saw the sun, almost reaching the hills. In one hour or so, it would be night, and then temperature would go down in a dangerous way.
-I don’t know if I will have strengths enough to reach that road. It’s my only chance.-
-There are things that must be done and time doesn’t stop. Your priorities must be clear. You have to eat anything you can and start walking now.-
Fernando was looking at the black beetle.
-I should have to eat you.-Staggered Fernando.
-Didn’t you pay attention to anything what I said? Eat me! Sun is coming down, remember, there aren’t good or bad things, just things.-
Fernando took the fat insect and put it in his mouth. It wasn’t easy but he chewed it and swallowed it. He got up slowly. He felt again the breeze from fields, this time colder. He first moved a foot, then the other. In a moment he was walking towards the lane. Once or twice he fell to the ground, he got up and continued. Pains were very real now.
He reached the road when sun was already hidden. He sat down on it and began to wait. He was waiting for a car of for death. Both of them were welcome in that moment.
After one hour, a couple of lights appeared between the hills. Then they came closer and stopped in front of the sleeping Fernando.-










Part of the book “Raining dust” march, 2009